one person's turd is another person's blog inspiration

ok, so ive been meaning to do this blog thing, but didn't have anything to inspire me--and load and behold--i just gave birth to the biggest turd known to man. it was huge. enthrallingly huge. i examined my lovely piece of excrement for 2 minutes, wondering, "did i...no...it must be...but it couldn't possibly...what the fuk did i eat?" and after i was done contemplating this, i decided to weigh myself. yup, sure did.

and no, i did not lose weight, but i did manage to clog the toilet.