you should never read texts drunk.

yup.

so,i get a text fwd this past weekend from my homie who's visiting cali that read "fwd: special report. police are arresting all hoochies with good coochies. run bitch run. they already got me." haha, i know, funny, right? well, of course it is when you;re sober, but when i initially read that i saw nothing but danger. and i , in an intoxicated state, incoherently tell my boyfriend (er, guy i'm , uh, sorta exclusively dating. ahem) this news during a 2:00 am binge fest at ben's chilli bowl. here's a reenactment

me: my friend is in jail. i gotta save her
him: what?
me: they're after her! i gotta go.
him: where is she?
me: california! (i do recall sayin " california" as in "duh! california, where else, dummy?")
him: oh. [ignores me and starts eating my chilli cheese fries]
me: i don't even know what jail she's in. she's not picking up.i hate california. so stupid and pretentious
him: yeah...babe , can you get me some more water?
me:she's such a good person, too. man, and she smart. she went to brown. brown ppl don't go to jail. well, brown ppl do, but not brown university students.
him: she's gonna be alright
me:i'm too tired. let's pick her up tomorrow- where da fuk are my fries?