ache, pain, pulse

at 6am this morning, i woke up to my mother moaning from discomfort. she was saying her heart felt weak. i took her pulse and it was about 80. low, but not too bad. she asked for some coffee saying it would help. so i did. after about 30 minutes, she felt slightly better. it was still early, but i couldn't go back to sleep.

like  a new mother, i find myself waking up in the middle of the night, checking to see if she's still breathing. i have compulsive behavior so sometimes it's a bit much. ive witnessed my mother at her worst- ICU,ventilator, pneumonia, etc and never once did i truly believe she wouldn't make it. but lately, on occasion,  i have anxiety about every ache, pain, pulse, wondering if she'll be OK.

tomorrow my mom has her last chemo (Insha'Allah). her last treatment was really rough on her body, so i pray she takes it better this round. and i plead you do the same.