taxi cab confessions...

no, i never had sex in a cab, but i have a couple of funny stories.

- i get picked up by this sikh taxi driver (he was wearing a turban). we strike up a conversation about weather and traffic and all off a sudden, dude grabs my hand and asks me " what are you doing tonight?". i respond, " oh,nothin special...i think me and my FIANCE' are going to lay low". he then grabs my left hand and questions about my missing ring. i then go on and on about not believing in material things. he then stops the car turns around and shouts " you're too good to be true. you ethiopian, yes?!". i correct him that I'm Eritrean. after minutes of non-stop flattery, he asks if my is fiance eritrean? i tell him my boyfriend is black-american. he then shakes his head "your parents must be upset. why? why would you do that? this is not good...not good. we need to go out to dinner". i assure him my fiance is great and my parents love him. he then writes his number down and tells me to call him friday . i then tell him that would be a mistake and my fiance wouldn't appreciate me calling him. dude then smacks his teeth and mutters somethin under his breath.

my stop comes up and dude charges me an extra zone and drives off.

- i was on my way to see a friend's play in southeast. i'll just reenact the scene for you

me: hey, 1001 mississippi avenue--southeast!
taxi driver: southeast? hmm... where is it?
me: umm...don't know, i thnk its near alabama-does that help?
taxi: [dials number on cell] hey brother...[insert foreign language] mississipi avenue?
me: should i catch another cab?
taxi driver: no, its fine.

we drive off to an unfamilar place and i get worried

me: do you know where you're going? cuz maybe i c--
taxi driver: do YOU know where you're going.
me: umm..clearly i don't and is your attitude really necessary?
*dead silence*
(10 minutes later and we find the theatre)
taxi driver: you need to learn how to trust someone!
me: excuse me?
taxi driver: you NEED to learn how to trust ppl! you lucky i picked you up. i did you a favor!
me: why are you getting defensive? i just asked you a question b/c i didn't know if i needed to call someone and have them look for directions online. and favor? am i getting this ride for free? that's a favor. im paying YOU money to take me somewhere. now how much is this fare?
taxi driver: $16.50!
me: [pays man w/ tip and heads out cab] you shouldn't be so defensive
taxi driver: close my damn door!
me: (door still open) who are you talking to?!?
taxi driver: you! close my damn door!
me: apologize!
taxi driver: what?
me: i said apologize!
taxi driver:no! i did you a favor!
me: you didn't do me a favor. this is your job! [slams door]

as i turn towards the theatre , i see a group of shocked 6 yr olds and one disappointed teacher.

is it wrong im inlove with you-your face?

there's this beautiful man. beeeaaautiful. soooo beautiful, i'd have his bastard child in a second (i'm kidding. please don't test me Lord). but yeah, i look at him, and am instantly happy. is that weird? yeah, i thought so,too. i can't even concentrate when i'm talking to him b/c in my head i'm contemplating if i should hyphenate our last names. and before you think im shallow, its not only his face, but his style. like, the other week, he had his hair in cornrows and was wearin' these really hip green nike's. [wipes drool from moniter]

ok, i am shallow, but if you saw him, you'd be shallow , too.