tired. tired of being sick and tired.

obama inspires me. when i hear him speak, i want to run for president. then i think about my drunken nights harassing people on u st, and i back down. so i decided to have a rally at my workplace ... for things that matter:

Coffee:
Our receptionist does not brew a new batch of late afternoon coffee. It's vital that we have a new batch of coffee! How many times must we microwave a cup of coffee b/c it was brewed 5 hours ago? How many times must we go all the way to the 1st floor Corner Bakery and spend $2.40 b/c some receptionist can't brew afternoon coffee? Who's tired? Who's tired of being sick and tired?

Pens:

How many times have you received a phone call [ crowd nods] and tried to write down the number... but you can't find a pen...not one single pen! But you know you had it an hour ago! [ crowd nods head vehemently] You even had it 15 mins ago! Only to find out your colleague next to you is using it. Who's tired? And Tired of being sick and tired?

Sharing Elevators:

Who hates small talk? [ crowd raises hand] So you're sharing an elevator with a colleague you personally don't like, but you're stuck in a small space for 40 seconds...not to mention the time you're waiting for the elevator. She looks at you. You look down. But she wants to talk to you...about nothin-the weather, how long the lines are @ " five guys", and her new jeans she got on sale for $20!!!

WHO IS TIRED? AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED? WELL, WE ARE! AND WE DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!

[crowd stands and cheers " No we don't! No we don't! No we don't"]

it's raining men!

we've got new neighbors! yup. there's been this really big vacant office for months now. and we've all been dying to find out who they are. ok, it's probably just me. but , hey, i need new alliances to bully the Japanese newspaper next door. and , hot dog, this is going to be a riot. our new neighbors:the gay weekly newspaper [cues confetti and techno music] I'm soooo excited! I love gay men...and gay men love me. we both love fashion, new york, penis, and my boobs. ive needed a gay friend since i moved to dc, and surprisingly, i can't find one. ive always been really close but they're always takin by another beautiful hetero chick giving me the evil eye. and as harmless as it would be, i could never be a mistress. stealin a gay best friend is as bad as stealing a boyfriend (if not worse). gay best friends are pretty damn irreplaceable. ..

and boyfriends kinda are [cues beyonce].