last week at my job

so im leaving this joint. and a joint it has been- filled w/ highs, lows, giggles, delusions....and sometimes munchies [ shrugs]. ive grown alot here and at times have been challenged to the point of tears ...and 4-letter words. but its been pretty damn swell.

so what im looking forward to? my last day, wednesday. i dont have my attire set-up but it must be fab and accompanied by my new dior glasses (touch it!). and will i do any worK? no. well, maybe, i'll .....nah. i won't. and dont really have to b/c i i have to prepare for my goodbye lunch and work on my goodbye speech and conclude w/ my goodbye email. oh, and my farewell to the assholes next door aka japanese newspaper. i may even return all those wall street journals i stole from them...but prepared in a lovely newspaper bouquet.

my last day--let's call it tri-day- falls on the day of the radio/tv correspondents dinner. slap me, really. i will be among such prominent names like jim leher, tim russert ,andrea mitchell, bob schieffer ..oh, and the cheneys. this is probably blasphemy, but im lookin forward to seeing dick cheney in person [ducks lightening and mob of liberals] hey! its the closest thing to seeing if the devil really exists [cues rim shot and ducks lightening] ok, i'll stop.

so until then, i will listen to the beatles " in my life", while playing the video montage of my time here ...
in my head, of course

crazy basement lady strikes again

i haven't written much about crazy basement lady b/c she's crazy and that's that. an update: she hates me now. and its kinda scary. ill jus start w/ when this hating began.

so... the landlord , my friend, made me the manager of the house, which means, the tenants drop their rent under my door. and for that, i get a discount. pretty sweet deal. oh...and i can also write memos. the one memo i sent out to the tenants about making sure the community areas are clean (i.e bathroom, living room , and kitchen) crazy basement lady got steamed and complained to the landlord about the audacity of my memo b/c she always cleans after herself and blah blah . so since then... she mumbles to herself when we cross paths. and sometimes i respond " excuse me?", which she then blasts " im not talking to you!" fine. she's crazy

THEN a new tenant moved in. she's like me, only crazier * 15 (imagine that). yeah. she puts my craziness to shame. so in a way, i give her props. we're friends and together we make a dynamic team when it comes to crazy basement lady. new roomate --we'll call her 'new crazy roomate' tends to voice her dislike to crazy basement lady more than me...like extremely vocal about it. they have had heated arguments. and fortunately it happens when im at work. but once, when i was actually home during one of their arguments, new crazy roomate screamed to crazy basement lady " get some DICK! get SOME DIIIIIIIICK". and im laughing in the background. 40 minutes later, we get a bang on the door. its the cops. wow. the cops couldnt do anything and just slipped a warning to the two. so now, she hates me for association.

you get it? she realllly hates me.

so yesterday, im enjoying my day off, walking my dog, and our UPS guy shouts " hey, wait, i have somethin for the lady in the back' -ill just reenact the scene
ups: hey, wait! i have somethin for the lady in the back
me: lady in the back?
ups: apartment b? basement?
me: oh. [realizing it's for "crazy basement lady] ohhhh
ups: [carries huge package out from truck]

I then look at the name on the package and realize its not the name of crazy basement lady , but the chick that used to live here.

me: umm...that chick doesn't live here anymore. she's been gone since october.
ups: well, i delivered the package the other day with this name to the lady in the back- heavy sit woman, right?
me: yeah...weird. maybe...

at this point, im thinkin maybe that wasn't the chick's name. maybe it's crazy basement lady's daughter's name. so i googled the name and the picture comes up---its the CHICK THAT USED TO LIVE HERE. i met her once right before she moved out. at this point, im freaking out. this bitch is crazy. and i immediately remove my trash bin from kitchen and put it in my room. hell, i've seen 20/20 specials on identity theft. then i call the landlord and tell him the deal and tell his ass to hurry up and get here. i may have even added " and she's tryin to kill me..." i even managed to send the chick an email....somethin like " crazy basement lady is stealking your identity - CALL ME"

so landlord comes in. i tell him to keep his distance. and if needs me, ill be snooping while holding my pot, jus incase. (my mom and her damn lifetime movies) i was suggesting he have a code word for "help" but he rolled his eyes and reminds me he's from southeast.whatever. so landlord tells crazy basement lady that the girl is pressing charges. and apparently crazy basement lady stole this chick's checkbook AND wrote out a check under her name. crazy basement lady tried to dismiss it saying its a mistake . landlord tells her she needs to find a new place and then crazy basement lady tries to turn this around as favoritism. that he was kicking her out b/c we're friends and b/c i dont like her . anyhoo, this crap went on for a hot minute.

there's more details, im sure i missed. oh, so now when i come to the house, i kick the door open, dodge, check area , and slowly walk in. this will be my standard entrance until she leaves.