orkney, the cat

orkney is black. orkney has red eyes. orkney likes to wake me up @ 6 in the morning by jumping on the bed. that scares me so i lock orkney out. orkney scratches the door. i sleep with earmuffs now.

orkney is black. orkney has red eyes. i try to pet orkney. orkney bites me. orkney slaps me with his paw. i don't pet orkney anymore.

ever feel like those english- as- a- second language- folks are playing that role too well?

no? guess its just me

I just came from a local--ok, orkney, the cat that accompanies this lovely home, just jumped on this desk i'm typing on. he's such a character! ill share more in another blog-- sorry, where was i? oh, right. so i just came from a local grocery store to pick up some cookies and tylenol. i didn't want to buy a whole bottle, so i asked the cashier if he sold the -- ah, let me reenact the scene for you:

me: [glances over the 7 dolla bottle] 7 dollas?!? excuse me, do you guys sell the individual packets of tylenol?
english as 2nd language dude : wha?
me: you know, the single packets of tylenol...they sell them in two's? in an, um, plastic packet?
english as 2nd language dude: [shakes head vehemently and starts ringing my chips ahoy cookies]
me: really? do you know what im talkin about? if you dont want to buy a whole bottle, you can purchase the individual tylenol packets--
english as 2nd language dude: no, we don't sell!! $4.79!
me: [finds the packets right next to the cashier] here they are! this is what i was talking about! did you not understand what i was saying? i said the tylenol packets in two's! what did think i was saying?
english as a 2nd language dude: i don't know
me: but i kept sayin...

anyhoo, i went on for another 10 secs, and would have let it go, but this guy was rude. and i think he knew exactly what i meant, but chose to look at me like i didn't know what the hell i was talkin about...which most of the time is true, but not that time.

The woman and her conversation

There was this woman in the bus who was having the most engaging conversation...with herself. You can presume she was mentally disabled. Her mood throughout the conversation fluctuated—she flirted, she listened, she scolded, she complied, she concurred, she reasoned. I was so enamored I unabashedly observed this woman and her conversation. She got off the same stop as me. We walked opposite directions, but I glanced over, wishing I could witness the ending of the conversation.

Can I have your home?

So, I've been asked to housesit|catsit for my former boss' beau again. About 3 weeks ago, I housesat for the guy and enjoyed the experience. He has a lovely home in Glover Park (near Georgetown). The kind of home that made me think " I could live here" , which soon shifted to " I could marry him", and then finally to " I wonder if I continue doing such a great job housesitting, he'll leave it to me in his will"

things you don't do drunk when you dating someone new who despises drinkers

- you dont call him, drunk, have him pick you up, and regurgitate those oh-youse-a badass- tequilla shots
- following week, pop in on a surprise visit @ 3 am , drunk, expressing to him why you're the cat's meow and how lucky he is to have you

there's a slight chance (just a slight) he will not think you're the cat's meow, drop you home, and never call you back.


note: these comments are not based on factual events...just factual events i choose to adamantly deny.

one person's turd is another person's blog inspiration

ok, so ive been meaning to do this blog thing, but didn't have anything to inspire me--and load and behold--i just gave birth to the biggest turd known to man. it was huge. enthrallingly huge. i examined my lovely piece of excrement for 2 minutes, wondering, "did i...no...it must be...but it couldn't possibly...what the fuk did i eat?" and after i was done contemplating this, i decided to weigh myself. yup, sure did.

and no, i did not lose weight, but i did manage to clog the toilet.